Thoughts from an Evening Walk

It's late, I just got home from a meeting. I'm tired, it was one of those days where I worked every hour that I was in the office. I'm burnt out, my mind has dulled from the work overload and all I want to do is to escape reality for a bit. I'm spread thin and I'm so lost, I just want to wallow in self pity and loathe  all those out there with perfect lives and perfect jobs. But there is so much to do-- I still have dinner to make, homework to complete, emails to write, and the list goes on and on. I try to bulk down and complete the tasks at hand but the pups are out of control and I'm sure they are testing Jake's patience.
So I grab the pups and we walk.

As we venture on our walk around the neighborhood, I begin to reflect on my life and where I am at currently. As I look down at what I'm wearing, I can't help but laugh. Here I am in my business getup walking my dogs around our suburban neighborhood. The good ol' 9 to 5 grind has me conformed to this monotonous lifestyle. I get up, I put on my Weekday best, I go to work, I come home and eat, I do menial task like walking the dogs or doing homework, and then I sleep. Everyday, Monday through Friday, the Same old Same old. I laugh because I never imagined my life like this. So repetitious, so monotonous, so menial, so dull...I begin to question myself, to doubt everything I stand for. I remember so long ago that I stood for something, that I had passion, that I cared; and now here I stand in my weekday best in my suburban neighborhood, with our picket fence, married with 2 children dogs, working for good old Corporate America in my 9 to 5 job. I start questioning myself, have I gained the world just to lose myself? Who am I in all this monotony? Everything I stand for, I feel like I've caved, like I've given in, that I live just like everybody else. I never wanted this, I wanted to do good, I wanted to be somebody, I wanted to have a purpose. Now I'm just like everybody else doing the same things every single day just to make a dollar and earn myself some prestigious title.

I continued walking, feeling belittled and defeated. But at that same time, I looked up at the sky and it was beautiful. I looked around my surroundings and it was peaceful. I realized that these moments are what make the difference. These times to get away from the chaos and just be that girl walking down the sidewalks with her pups in tow. I felt God tug at my heart and tell me that this was where I needed to be...right now in that wear and all. That right now might not be what I dream of but that my time will come. He then reminded me that in this "conformity" I feel that I have become, I'm still so very different and far from normal. He reminded me that we live in community for a reason...that I may wear business attire Monday-Friday but I still stay true to myself with my crazy color schemes and flashy jewelry....and then Tank and Sky both peed on the sidewalk and in that humorous moment, I remembered my dogs are far from being perfect...and that my life is far from being set...

And in that moment, I felt so utterly content and that everything would truly be okay...

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  1. I am basically crying. ha
    Sometimes it's the little things that get us through the day..

  2. Oh girl. I feel like I was reading my own thoughts! I feel the EXACT same way you do...the mundane corporate life and selling out. I'm a creative type and the thought of sitting at a desk 8 hours a day makes me want to die and I promised myself I would never take this kind of job, but here I am. If I didn't have Jesus and the assurance that He's planning everything out for me, I don't know what I would do!

  3. Oh, you! You seriously made me tear up a little bit with this. You know I just joined the good ol' corporate America, too and I feel the same way. But you're right - you're always right where you are supposed to be, and you are far from being "just like everyone else." we all do what we have to to survive, and that's okay. just keep wearing your crazy jewelry and bright colors - always! :)


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