Well I guess this is growing up.

I'm going to ramble on about something tonight that is nothing new to this ol' blog of mine.
It's this whole deciding what I want to be when I grow up,
or as the professionals like to ask, What are my career goals?
Sorry for the repetition but on some nights it's just nice to clear my head.

Let's just be honest for a second.
I'm struggling, really struggling to try and figure out an answer to this question.
It's hard trying to sum it up in one answer, in one written statement  on what I want to do with the rest of my life. 
It's hard figuring out where I see my self in ten years, heck, it's hard to figure out where I see myself tomorrow... next week...
I really struggle to give an answer, to give even a short term goal or thought to my life...
Maybe it's because I'm afraid of limiting myself on what I see myself doing if I verbalizing any sort of thought or emotion...
Maybe I doubt myself a little... my capabilities, my ambitions...
Maybe it's just because honestly I just don't know where I see myself.

Right now I'm really happy in my job.
I actually am really liking what I do.
But do I see myself doing this five years from now?
Do I want to move up with the company?

Right now I'm really enjoying my Master's program.
But do I see myself going into Marketing?
I would hope after all this money that I'm investing into my degree that I could answer yes to this question, but the truth is, I just really don't know.
I enjoy it.
I like it.
But is it a career?

I just feel torn right now, between this sense of openness and this standstill confusion of where my passions and my heart lie... Where I want to commit myself... Where I want to be...

I just thought I'd have this figure out now.
I thought I'd at least have some sort of pathway established,
Yet here I sit months away from finally obtaining a degree and I'm just as lost, if not even further from some sort of direction, as I was when I first started.
[cue the adult's chuckling in the background...I'm sure they thought the same things in their 20's]

I know my strengths.
I know what kind of passions lie within my heart.
I know my abilities.
But what does it all mean?

There are so many dreams to be dreamed...
So many routes that my life could take...
I really am trying to just be open to God and His timing,
But why does He allow this sense of urge in my heart when it comes to life...
Why so many questions?

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1 comment:

  1. I feel ya. I luckily fell into a research assistant position that has set me up to go to grad school in a few years. I eventually want to be a professor at a small liberal arts college and do my own research.


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